Communication In The Home 6-8-25 AM
I. Barriers to communication.
a. Materialism.
i. Whenever we put things before God, it hurts our marriages.
ii. Our relationship with God affects our relationship with our spouse.
iii. Many think that by providing many material goods that they are showing their love.
iv. In truth, we need to be verbal much more than material in the way we express our love for our spouses.
b. A critical attitude.
i. A psychologist wrote: “The major barrier to mutual interpersonal communication is our very natural tendency to judge, evaluate, to approve or disapprove the statement of the other person...”
ii. As in all things, we are to judge righteous judgment.
c. Fear.
i. If there is a lot of criticism, we are afraid to open up to our spouse.
ii. Also, if a spouse cannot take a negative comment we don’t open up as we should.
d. Manipulation.
i. Whining, pouting, or withholding to get your spouse to think your way or do what you want is wrong.
ii. No one likes to be manipulated and it only creates resentment and distrust.
e. Preoccupation.
i. We live in a busy world and sometimes we get caught up in the mundane instead of the important.
ii. Our spouses needs to know that they have our attention.
f. Dullness.
i. Sometimes we let our marriages get stuck in ruts.
ii. Everything stays the same from our words to our foods, to our clothes to the places we go.
iii. Happy couples look for new things to do together.
g. Dishonesty.
i. This ruins marriages.
ii. The trust that must be there is thwarted with even the smallest of untruths being noticed.
II. Keys to effective communication.
a. Be knowledgeable (1 Peter 3:7).
i. We should know the likes and dislikes of our mate.
ii. This can only happen by spending time together.
b. Be loving.
i. We cannot render evil for evil.
ii. We must be loving even when our spouse is not.
c. Be transparent - nothing should be hidden from our spouse.
i. If your spouse is to deeply love he/she must deeply know you.
ii. No room for the “what he/she doesn’t know...”
d. Be trustworthy.
e. Be positive - if something is unimportant, leave it alone.
f. Be sensitive.
i. Just because we would not feel a certain way does not mean our spouse won’t.
ii. We need to be accepting of our spouses feelings and help them deal with them.
g. Be an effective communicator - look for clues our spouse is not getting what we are saying.
h. Be a good listener.
i. On several occasions Jesus said, “He that hath ears...”
ii. Don’t jump to conclusions, but hear everything first.
i. Be prayerful.
i. It is hard to argue with someone for whom you’re praying.
ii. We will calm down doing then and remember how we are supposed to treat our spouse.
III. How to fight fairly.
a. Clarify the issue.
i. Make sure you are arguing about the same thing.
ii. Many times we are arguing over different issues.
b. Repeat their words.
i. We’ve all said these words at some time during an argument: “That’s not what I said.”
ii. We should make ourselves understand exactly what the other person said.
c. Choose the right time.
i. Don’t ambush your spouse with an argument.
ii. Right before bed is not the best time.
d. Look before you leap.
i. Will arguing about this topic bring about any good.
ii. Proverbs 17:14.
e. Resolve to resolve.
i. Don’t end an argument without the matter being resolved.
ii. Ephesians 4:26.
f. Attack the problem, not your spouse.
i. Leave the mud-slinging to the politicians.
ii. Before too long, a rock gets into the mud.
g. Hold hands while arguing.
i. The one who devised these rules said it is difficult to verbally assault your spouse while holding hands.
ii. The writer then said don’t let go until you have prayed.
(Material gathered from several sources for this sermon)